On Aging

I turned 30 this week. I know! You are shocked, right? You can't believe it because of my youthful personality and my unaging face. I wouldn't believe it either.. .but i have been there to witness the whole thing - well, most of it, anyway.

I was really scared about turning 30 because unlike the other decade birthdays I have had, there is nothing (seemingly) big to look forward to in the next 10 years (at least under law)- except maybe trying to pay off my debt . . and that is never fun to talk about. . just ask the US government!

When I turned 10, I was pumped because that meant I was only 2 years away from getting my very own moped (which i did get when i turned 12, and drove to elementary school, and locked next to everyone's Huffy bicycles. and yes, I was a BIG deal. since then, i've never doubted my coolness. . sometimes when i feel bad about myself, i think. . .remember when you had to ask the teacher where to put your motorcycle helmet cause it won't fit in your cubby - you're awesome!).

When I turned 20, I was pumped because that meant i was only 1 year away from being able to legally throw back those Zimas with jolly ranchers in them.

In Bulgaria, having a birthday is like a nice kick in the teeth. Not only are you getting older and more decrepit, but YOU are the person who is suppose to buy all the drinks and chocolates and cakes for the people around you. You say, "hey guys! it's my bday! have something - I'm buyin!!!" and then everyone sings you Happy Birthday while eating your food. At first, I was really offended by this model of bday celebrationess, but then I realized it may be better. Sure, it may not be too thrilling on your birthday BUT every other day of the year some poor, aging, SOB will be buying the cake! That is like 364 potential birthdays just for you!

So I accept it. I bought my Scout kids candy and watched them run around the park on a sugar high. The kids (and my community partner) gave me photographs and wrote on the back of them and my landlord gave me a flower (covered in glitter! super bonus). So the day turned out to be really nice after all. And my anti-aging lotion must be working cause I look just the same as I did yesterday. Perhaps 30 won't be too bad.

Don't Read This. It has Opinions.

You should probably stop reading this now.

America does a lot of things really well. Like teeth. American dentists can take a kid with the most jacked-up horse-face and turn them into the star of a toothpaste commercial.

Most other countries aren't doing this. In fact, when i was living in Fiji the people asked me why American's like to put silver jewelry all over their teeth. Then i would explain that Americans have braces because without them half the country could eat apples through tennis rackets. . . .and that is not a look that is really "in" these days. I had braces and that is why I’m in toothpaste commercials now!

America is also good at making burgers AND inventing sports, with world championships - that no one else plays WHILE still giving the sport the same name of the world's most popular sport - even though they are nowhere near the same. These things are working! I'm craving a burger and have been trying for a week to live-steam a college or NFL football game. What's wrong with me? I'm American.

But let's get to the point.

America is TERRIBLE with alcohol policies. Throughout the world people are legally drinking at 18 or 14 or 3. But we are sending kids off to wars, college, and medical physicals without a shot of tequila first. I'm not advocating for handing 5 year olds cases of Paps Blue Ribbon (but if they do drink. they should drink this. it is basically water). In fact, i'm not advocating for anyone to drink. But I do think we need to calm down as a nation.

The other day I was in the grocery store and one of the kids I work with came in, she just turned 10 years old, and she bought 3 beers. She was taking them to her dad and his friends. The cashier didn't ask her anything. I am almost 30 and in America I still have to give my id and a blood test to buy a bottle of cough syrup. I think the strictness of our laws is dangerous. I have seen friends binge drink to the point of hospitalization. It was only because they were dumb about alcohol. They were dumb about alcohol because we (Americans) have commercials telling parents to avoid drinking with and around teens and cops searching for 20 year olds in nightclubs. So kids sneak alcohol in back alleys and drink whatever they can get their hands on. Which is usually cheap finger nail polish remover. no wonder they are losing their livers.

In Bulgaria I have seen adolescents passing a beer around in the street. Once they were sitting on the playground equipment at a school (not during school hours). At first i was disturbed. But then i realized. This is good. I would much rather have kids sitting around sharing a beer where everyone can see them than kids chugging handles of vodka in abandoned buildings. As a nation we need to reexamine our alcohol polity and lighten up a little. Also, if you are underage. I will NOT buy booze for you. But I will pick you up from a party and feed you a sandwich before I tell your parents what a terrible child you turned out to be.

I'm not always this truthful

There is a gnarly scab on my knee. I got it today. This is what I would tell you if you asked me about it - which I know you would - cause your compassionate like that:

Today I was playing soccer with a bunch of guys. Once when I was going for the ball, I slide and somehow ripped open the flesh on my knee. It started bleeding everywhere but I didn't mind. I was proud of myself cause I won the ball in the tackle. And it didn't hurt so I kept playing and didn't say anything.

But the truth is:

Today I was playing soccer with a bunch of little boys. Once when I was going for a ball that had been kicked out of bounds, I fell on my own and somehow ripped open the flesh on my knee. It started bleeding a little but I tried to ignore it. I was totally embarrassed with myself cause I fell on my face - with no one around! It was our throw-in so I kept playing. It hurt but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to look like pansy.

the end. oh! I should mention (as a redeeming factor) in the game I scored 4 of our 6 goals! .....or did i?

Is this a World Record???

Holy moly this beer is ginormous. It makes regular sized beer feel bad. I bought the normal beer for $1.30 and the super-sized steroid beer for $2.70. I don't know how long regular beer can keep up in this market. Someone told me that every month they come out with a bigger beer - in order to out-do the competition. People better start making bigger refrigerators (and stomachs)...stat.

You know what else is big? The mountains. See... I went hiking.

That is a church, chillin on the hillside.

What's inside?

Near my house there is a shop. This is what it looks like from the outside. This is a fact. Look:

So for a long time I avoided it - it looks a bit out of my league. I never liked green apples- or scantly clad girls on chairs. Instead of going in, I wondered what might be sold inside. Everyday I saw all sorts of people entering: men, women, children, and some crazy chain-smoking guy in a wheelchair. Anywho, curiosity got the best of me. If curiosity killed the cat, I'm not sure why it hasn't killed me yet. I'm curious about a lot of things.

Inside was one long freezer and one long aisle of . . . . food. It's a grocery store. Of course it is.

Naked or pretty risky images of women appear everywhere. The other day I bought a newspaper from the side of the road for 50 cents for a game that I had planned for the kids. But as soon as I opened the fold there were naked girls. So I skipped the game. I can't be handing out that out to minors. . . maybe I will be arrested and have to spend my life in a dungeon.

Then the next day my community partner bought a newspaper to make paper hats for the kids. The same, well, not the exact same, pictures scattered the press as the day before - when I threw the paper away. But don't worry. She made the hats anyway. And the kids proudly walked around town with paper hats with smatterings of what I once thought were inappropriate pics. I was wrong. Now I'm really mad at myself for throwing the first paper away - I had a really good game in mind and now I'm short 50 cents.

The Bieber Backfire

During the day I take a group of kids out for hikes and out to play silly (but incredibly fun) games (and I know. cause I play too.). And since I always strive to be the cool (in a I'm-not-trying-to-be-cool-but-I-am kind of way), I try to relate to the kids in areas of pop-culture.

Most of the kids I am working with are 10-12 year old girls. I thought to myself, "i bet these girls just drool over Justin Bieb-ster. I bet they think he's soo dreamy with his fancy high-tops and autobiographical movie. My God, even Fiji's Prime Minister has the hots for his combed forward wispy hair (see my other blog post to learn more about this)." So I asked the kids, in a cool way (cause i'm trying to be cool here), "so you like Justin Bieber?"

And their response?!! they say, "UGGGGG. HE IS TERRIBLE!" then they say, "Do you like White Snake? What about Ozzy? Or Queen? Or ACDC? Or Pink Floyd?"

shit. these kids may be too cool for me.

Learning to Read

Knowing how to read is GREAT! I highly recommend it to everyone. My 7 year old sister is super at reading - she can read like a real-life 13 year old. For real. They should be testing that kid for using brain steroids. She could be a drug cheat. But like they say, if you ain't cheatin'; you ain't tryin' (i think they are southerns, like my friend Spencer Lucker, because they say words like ain't). Kuddos to her.

In fact, kuddos to you! Obviously, you have mastered the art of reading too. I can tell because you are making sense of all these crazy symbols that are crammed together. Or sorry. . .maybe you are that poor sucker that is stuck having someone read this to you because you haven't learned the fine art of reading yet. . .but don't worry there is still plenty of time! I know. I have been learning how to read this week.

Everything here is written in Cyrillic. A wonderful lady in the Peace Corps Office gave me a book with the Cyrillic symbols listed next to how they would sound in the Roman Alphabet. like H symbol sounds like Na. I tore that page out of the book and now I aimlessly walk through town trying to decode every signs' meaning. I can spend several minutes staring at a sign, slowly, painfully, sounding out the word. Every once in a while the word will be the same as in English. Then I lose it. I jump up and down and scream to the frightened pedestrians, "HA HA HA. It says C-O-FF-EE! I think they sell C-O-FF-EE here!!!" And since must people don't speak English, they think I'm crazy. And the people who do speak English also think I'm crazy. But it doesn't matter because I'm very proud of myself. And that is what learning to read is like - feeling incredibly dumb for 10 minutes and then feeling incredibly smart for 30 seconds - and then starting all over again. It is totally worth it.