Safety First.

Upon arriving in Vanuabalavu, I figured I better find a way to protect myself (and not because I think this place is dangerous but merely because I will be living alone (for at least a month anyway)). There are many ways one can go about protecting themselves. For example, my friend Tabitha carries a jagged knife and she is not afraid to take your liver, or heart, or vocal cords, if you try anything sleazy. My husband sometimes sleeps with a “beating stick” when he believes a place is a bit dodgy. Grandma has an alarm system that screams “INTRUDER!!!” and then calls the 501 (that means cops: in case you aren’t up-to-date on your gang terminology). Other popular methods of protection include steel toe boots, guns, or hand-grenades. I know none of these methods are for me. I’m scared to use any kind of weapon and steel toe boots only look good on me when I line-dance or work construction.

So I figured the best thing for me was to befriend a dog who would then police my home and look scary to people who are scary. To do this I gave a can of tuna fish to a dog that tends to roam around the hospital. The locals call him Logan. I call him Sally. The tuna treat worked. Sally fell in love with me immediately. He follows me around and growls when men get too close, especially when it is dark (the locals also say he hates guys and always growls at them. . .but I’d like to think it is because Sally feels he is protecting me).

Anywho, some friends invited me to church last Sunday and I really had nothing pressing to do so I figured it would be a good language lesson. I brought my Fijian-English dictionary and was ready to get my learn on. Sally followed me all the way to the church; which was nice since he is my bodyguard. I sat toward the back. As soon as the preacher started the service, Sally walked into the church and sat next to my chair. I tried to drag him out without making too much of a fuss but he wasn’t budging. He wanted to praise God too – and not from outside. All the Fijians started staring at me and some whispered, “is that your dog?” I avidly shook my head “NO!” and then I tried to make a face like “this dog is crazy! I’ve never seen him before!” Since Sally wasn’t moving and I was making a fool of myself trying to push him out, I gave up. I sat back down and Sally sat ON my feet. Did I mention Sally never bathes, lives outside, and gets by by mostly eating rubbish?

The church has a band and they play loud music and everyone gets up and dances and sings and clap their hands. This church is fun! During the songs Sally jumped up and ran up and down the aisles. As soon as the music stopped he came back and sat on me.

The entire spectacle was a bit embarrassing. So much for blending in and going unnoticed. Also, I am truly amazed at the power of tin tuna. I am going to start giving it to all my guests.